#i'm sorry i cant help
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vent post sorry so sorry i'm having a Bad Time
psyched myself up to buy a new bed but when i announced my plans for the weekend my sibling's like 'are you sure you wanna buy a new bed?' like damn killed the hype immediately. i don't wanna buy a bed i don't wanna go anywhere i'll just keep using the bed that we all cycled through growing up that hasn't been replaced in a decade+ with no bedframe and only one sheet that fits.
"are you sure you want-" I need a new bed. This isn't a matter of wanting. i don't want to think about where to get the best deals or which store has a delivery service or the logistics of hauling that thing into my room or where to get rid of the old one i'm sick of sleeping on a mattress on the floor. don't make this ordeal more complicated than it has to be.
#i'm having a really bad day mentally and when it's this bad i have trouble doing anything because it's all too complicated#even going to the bathroom is too much so i just wont. and as the day goes on i start feeling gross and uncomfortable and hungry#but if i use the bathroom i'll be dirty so i'll have to take a shower and showering is a whole other thing so i'll just not eat or drink so#i don't have to go any more badly than i already do#it's not good and i hate it and this is somehow my fault??? fuck off why don't i crawl into a ditch so you don't have to see it#i skipped work today and i couldn't even go downstairs to get my work phone to inform my boss. even though i have enough time off saved up#it's still a tardy because i didn't report in so i'll get written up#they should fire me. i hate that place.#none of the part time jobs i've applied for have replied#i can't get another job if i lose this one#i cant tell if i'm fr mentally ill or if it's just a product of living in pandemic-genocide-capitalist-global warming times. among others.#not that any of that directly affects me because it's all just me overthinking things and blowing it out of proportion and ruining myself#i'm sorry i cant help#myself or others#talking tag
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I WANNA DRAAWW!! RAHHHGG!! Absolutely swamped with college work, im so tired TT (hence whatever tf this is lmao)
#posted this doodle on twitter yesterday but it's still very relevant today#fr cant do anything until I get 12 posters drawn make my homemade paper and finish/publish my 200 page book I'm gonna-#Send help#i miss being active sm :'((#SORRY TO THE 60+ ASKS IN MY INBOX I PROMISE ILL GET TO YOU SOON <333#anyway I hope everyone else is doing ok#sending love#(also husk please- stay off the internet lmao)#angel dust#angel dust fanart#husk#husk fanart#huskerdust#huskerdust fanart#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#tribbleart#<3
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The hottest couple in Hell 🍎😈
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer#lucilith#lucifer x lilith#lilith x lucifer#clip studio paint#my art#digital art#I just wanted to draw them in different outfits 😇#they have carnal desire for each other I just know it they cant help but undress the other with their eyes#lilith reaching out for the apple is the most suggestive thing I've ever drawn so far lol#I AM SO IN LOVE WITH BOTH OF THEM HELP ME#I'm sorry for everyone who follows me for Alastor now I'm having a pretty bad Lucilith brainrot pls bare with me for a while
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thinking about essek thelyss "my entire life goal is and has always been the search for knowledge, the uncovery of mysteries, and I'll do it before everyone one way or another, no matter what I have to do, no matter the cost, but meeting you turned my life around in such a way that I would turn away the opportunity to uncover the greatest time mystery of all that's right in front of me and fix every mistake I made, just by the mere possibility that changing any of the choices I made would take you from me, nothing would make me give away any of the moments I had and will have with you.... unless it's for you, then I would do it in a heart beat" and going just a little bit more insane
#do you understand the grip this wizard has on me#I'm spining their final scene in my mind for 3 days now#I cant get over 'but I'm here today in this moment with you because of these mistakes and as much as they hurt me I wouldn't change a thing'#and the next MINUTE he's like 'will you do it? I'll help you'#JUST#WHO EVEN SAYS THAT#THAT'S ABSOLUTELY INSANE THING TO JUST SAY LIKE#INSANE LEVELS OF COMPLETE DEVOTION AND LOVE AND DEDICATION AND JUST#WHO TF DOES THATTTTTTT#ESSEK THELYSS YOU INSANE MF *SHAKES HIM*#god this fixin wizard ruined my life#shadowgast#cr2#essek thelyss#caleb widogast#mighty nein#m9#sorry just rereading a fic that made me spiral a bit here
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Neverwinter Saga Artemis I'm so sorry
#started Charon's Claw last night 👍#i need to slow down my reading man I'm doing this way too quickly#i cant help but feel sorry for him#I still dont quite know how he even got into this situation but ugh#reading about the pain he's going through and how fucked up his mental state is is rough#he was dissociating so hard#fuck Herzgo Alegni all my friends hate Herzgo Alegni#artemis entreri#legend of drizzt#forgotten realms#dnd#dungeons and dragons#my art#digital art#neverwinter saga
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hi so Yuuyu Laya is back??? i guess??? (he's gonna be neglected </3)
this is my previous post about him (a lot of the initial ideas are changed/scrapped now) and in a nutshell:
yuuyu (he/they) is my twst tinkerbell oc and who is one of the first batch of ramshackle members
he's not yuu/mc, he is just called “yuuyu” (which is just a nickname so not his real name)
the “real yuu” in question is in their second year and is officially the ramshackle prefect/housewarden
sneak peak of my very convoluted oc lore below the cut:
#HELP why does he look like he has a punchable face#anyway this was 🧚💛🗣️ from the poll!!#i watched a YT music video about tinkerbell being a villain and ended up rewatching the tinkerbell movies#(not peter pan the 3D disney fairies movies) and so here we are#i will ;; make an intro post for him soon ;;;#i’m so sorry doubleyu you are gonna be SO neglected 😭#i was already tempted to make twst ocs out of the rest of the fairies but i cant even balance the /two/ yuu ocs i have#so for now i'm gonna do a separate reblog or post for a longer lore dump about him#i've combined tinkerbell and frozen to make some absolutely convoluted lore lmao 😭#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twst#twisted wonderland#twst oc#twst tinkerbell#(💚) yuuyu#<- i was thinking of a green heart but. i kind of like yellow too???#<- okay nvm i've changed it to green#-✦—]
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every time someone mischaracterises jay ferin as the therapist friend a fairy loses its wings btw. put some respect on her emotionally-constipated ass.
#there's a whole ongoing bit where she either a. forces chip to do feelings talks for her or b. says the most awkward shit ever#like someone opens up to her she's like “wow that was a lot. anyway.”#jay “well i'm just a girl so” ferin. jay the answer is gun ferin.#i get this is a common issue with fandom treatment of female characters but COME THE FUCK ON. IT'S A CANON CHARACTER TRAIT.#and it adds so much depth to the times she DOES try to help or comfort people like in 81/82 where she goes up to chip about gill like#“i'm kind of shit at this emotional stuff but i'm going to do my best for you damnit”. AND SHE FUCKING TRIES. BECAUSE SHE LOVES THEM.#also her getting tipsy and spewing the most insane shit and going teehee ^_^ was that awkward sorry ^_^ and falling over. so fucking funny.#jay ferin#jrwi#im so normal about these fictional characters <- lie#i talk about this all the time in my dms im finally making a post about it I CANT STAND IT ANYMOREE
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god i know i said i was tired of making eveerything sad but just imagine timber those first few months of reconnecting and they're both drunk on tim's boat, laying on the deck staring up at the stars and bear turns over to look at tim, his eyes are sad and wet, and he reaches out to touch tim's face as if to make sure tim is really there and not an illusion and tim whispers, "bear?" and bernard smiles a little brokenly and goes, "so how long do i have you for this time?"
#tim fully sober now: what do you mean? i'm right here bear#bear still drunk: i got you for almost a whole year last time. how long before you leave this time?#bear: 2 years? 6 months?#tim sadly: you can have me forever bear#bear laughing: i don't even get you that long in my dreams#bear smiles reaching out to poke tim's face: don't worry tim! anytime you want to come back‚ i'll be right here.#god tim who's constantly leaving and bear who knows but cant help letting him comeback into his life again and again#you cannot tell me that bear went to that first date in urban legends expecting tim to stay#he went to that date expecting to get his heart broken again but he loves this boy so he goes anyway#tim who always leaves and bear who waits patiently everytime#sorry im like sobbing in the library#bear is so 'right where you left me' coded#bear who loves tim so much he'll let tim break his heart again and again#head in hands head in hands#dc#tim drake#bernard dowd#timbern#timber
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i know i said i was happy about how mel's story went, but the more i think about it the less i'm sure about that. this is very much connected to how the themes of classism and wealth disappeared in s2, but mel in the beginning was the epitome of piltover. she wanted to advance piltover to prove herself to her mother. to "put piltover��" and by extension herself, "—on the map."
she wanted wealth just to have it. and i'm not blaming her for anything that happened, especially with hextech! she, just like jayce and viktor, could not have known what it would lead to. i mean yeah heimerdinger said so but who the hell listens to heimerdinger? but anyway i think mel changed throughout s1, much in thanks to jayce. by the end she's become more cognisant of the mistreatment of zaunites. she's the first to vote for their peace. she was a good person all along but now she knows how to act on it. it's also seen more in s2 act 1. when she covers her painting with gold, it's symbolic—she won't act according to what her mother might think. she won't let her desire for approval dictate her anymore.
so somehow i wish those themes were. continued, somehow? like again they were dropped not just with mel but the whole show and it makes her story a off to me. there's no meaningful commentary on war or classism or how her ideology stands opposite to her mother's. like some people have said, it feels like she doesn't have much agency, even if she is really cool. and that to me is a shame because agency felt like her thing. "to shape your own destiny" as she says to jayce in s1. i know her collaborating with the black rose (but not fully joining them) and learning magic is supposed to represent becoming independent from her mother, taking her own path, but some other aspects of her character were thrown away... the more i think about it the more i'm thinking they kind of #girlboss-ed her a little bit. maybe to sell another champion. i can't help but feel like even though i enjoyed seeing her on screen, the payoff didn't feel proportionally satisfying compared to her setup in s1.
#mel medarda#her characteristics; the whole point of her dichotomy with her mom;#is that she does not use violence. she fights and controls with words.#with her intelligence. with her knowledge of people and their minds.#so now thinking about it i'm a little :/ that not only#did we not get to see a lot of that in s2#but she just. became another fighter?#i also know there was that whole thing about how mages aren't accepted in noxus but#honestly? kind of stupid. magic violence is still violence.#and i know arcane retcons a lot of things but.#the lore noxus. was not like that iirc. and it feels like a strange thing to just make up.#done in service just to make mel a Cool Badass Mage™ while still saying#hey guys! she's still different from her mom don't worry!#also. hey. hey. why is she going back to noxus. can someone to explain that to me#like ok i know it's her only connection left. i kinda understand.#but at the same time...? what. is she gonna do there#i know sevimel is a crackship but i kinda wished she stayed in piltover to help#better things for zaunites. and help sevika on the council#(god knows she needs it)#that might have been a fitting conclusion to her character. to me!#look i cant lie and say i hated watching mel be all badass like. she's awesome.#but character writing wise... kind of let down?#we didn't even get to know more about her past or where she's from.#and yes i know they're prolly going to explain it in the new show because they were noxusbaiting hard.#but man... i don't know...#sorry holy shit that's a lot of words.#if anyone has any opinions would love to hear them. still very conflicted on this whole thing.#it just feels like i'm missing something.#arcane
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oH
#LORD HELP ME#I keep pausing it cause he keeps saying shit like this man#gnawing on the bars of my enclosure#HELP mE I CANT DO THIS#Christian borle#shutterflies#lieutenant burns#Tumblr keeps destroying the quality I'm so sorry
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Anyone else shaking at the thought of feral Optimus? He didn't come up with learning manners anxiety how to greet and everything that higher up cybertronains were expected to present. I want this man to still growl and snap his Jaws in distaste. I want him to still hold some autobots down to show them he's the leader. I want his politeness to be shown out of respect but he's not scared to rip a spark out. He lived his early years fighting to live and survive. I want him calculating but also have a primal mind. As primal as cybertronains can be. Not sure if this is mildNSFW? But I want him to randomly scruff fellow autobots. Ratchet won't listen ? He tilts his head and just bites the back of ratchets neck sinking his teeth into the sensitive mech and cables as he let's out a low growl and tugs just enough to get the message through. I want him to hold arcees throat between his teeth leaving enough pressure to make it known he can bite if he wants. Not out of frustration or anger but in sight of discipline because this is how he learned early on. This is his first communication. I want him to fight new autobots who were one deceptions. Not enought for a real battle but to tire them out and make them present their necks so he can snap his Jaws and draw a bit of energon as he laps at it to hush their whimpers. I want him to have the itch to take the children or any human he comes to name close or family to do the same. He'd be gentle he promises he'll even displace his mass so it's more fair. He won't bite the children but he needs to prove he can take care of them by showing he's strong. I want him to claw and tear open deceptions that dare hurt his comrads. I want mercy to be forgotten.i just needs a feral Optimus that chooses to show this educated and manner filled individual he's become but is quick to shift back to old ways because they work. I think I'm just insane guys.
#optimus prime#ratchet#arcee#tfp#feral#Let him growl#He's bites#family#gentleman#To#grrrrr#i love you#hes so babygirl#He's also old#Think of if wolf and lion noises mixes#That's how he sounds like#i'm in love 😍😍😍#i'm inside your walls#i'm sorry#i cant help it#no sleep#Can you tell I'm bad at title's#i cannot stress this enough
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🌹 Gabriel 🌹
#oc#gabe#if this is doodoo quality im sorry but i cant help it lmmaaooOOoOo#i'm tired of the banding issues when blending darker colours#hoping the noise and blur filters did some work here#anyways this is a screenshot redraw but with gabe instead#i wanted to make something that is nice to look at for a change#salty did you mostly focus on rendering the face again. why YES i did#shout out to his slutty lips
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POV: You're a principal calling in the parents because their kid got into a fight and they show up. Wyd?
#I'm sorry they just look SO mom and dad here#i cant help it#their daughter just punched a bully and they've called away from the office and the dark room respectfully#imagine this is the first time the principal is meeting them too??#Nancy is SCREAMING that her baby did nothing wrong and Jonathan is scowling#God help the principal tbh#jancy#nancy wheeler#jonathan byers#stranger things#st5
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I've disappointed everyone.
I failed as a daughter.
Failed as a student.
Failed as a friend.
Failed as a sister.
Failed as a lover.
Failed at everything. Even with myself.
#sorry for being depressing#self h@rm#pane#im sorry#sorry#sorry not sorry#i'm sorry#tw depressing stuff#depressing shit#tw depressing thoughts#i love torturing myself#stop torturing me#hell is a teenage girl#help#i cant do this#i cant#i cant sleep#i cannot#fix me please#failed#family#student#my truth#myself
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adhd advice will be like people with adhd struggle to get their thoughts organised. also to get diagnosed you need to get your thoughts on why you have adhd organised in advance in order to convince the doctor you have it
#sorry for the vent incoming but#both my sister (who is diagnosed with adhd and autism) and my mother have been saying they think i might be adhd for like a year now#and like thatd be cool bc adhd can be medicated right? so maybe i can get help with my disaster life after all#except the problem is every time i think about the task of calling the doctor i get overwhelmed and cant#unfortunately asking my family for a list of why they think i'm adhd is not helpful bc theyre always like#“idk just whenever we talk about [sister]'s adhd i think how it sounds like we're describing you” & then none of them can give me an exampl#all ive come up with myself if when i was a kid i remember i was either quiet or so chatty that i forget the other person needs to speak#or like i'd try to join in a conversation and many times people would say like 'thats not really related to what we're talking about'#i no longer and super chatty bc i learned fo shut the fuck up pretty quick or you get made fun of but yeah.#i also forget things but i'm also very good at writing them down bc i know i'll forget and make people annoyed if i dont#so like idk if that counts like i feel like in my life ive been forced to learn how to cope and fit in so its like#is it adhd and i'm masking or is it not#like this is always the problem when i seek professional help they find out i can do hard stuff and they say you seem like you're okay#but like. hard stuff i can do is still hard. is everything supposed to feel this hard then? i hope not#vent#anyway other points are my thoughts keep me awake at night (its like loud jumbled thoughts of tv quotes and music and conversations ive had#and also obviously i struggle to make appointments. and i get distracted when i'm doing something boring even if i remove distractions#from my sight bc if i have no distractions i just start daydreaming. is this anything#this post itself is distracting me from work#i also connot make connections with 99% of people i meet socialising is so hard for me#maybe i should just send this tumblr vent to my doctor and see if it gets me a referral would that work
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planets
#tears of themis#luke pearce#tw// vent#im not sure why my art has been doing so badly lately#i know i shouldn't care much about numbers even more on twt since that place is#currently a dumpster fire#but i cant help but think its my fault and I'm doing something wrong#i feel like my art isnt good enough and I'm not as good as others#and that i dont do enough for the fandom#sorry#i kinda had to vent somewhere#i might regret this when i wake up#i always love and appreciate my moots who say the nicest and prettiest things to me so im trying to just focus on those#very beautiful people#again sorry for the selfishness#and thank you#anyways luke baby has a special place in my heart#i wanna draw more young luke and more raven#ill do my best
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